Song: "I'll Never Tell"

ANYA:
   This is the man that I plan to entangle
   Isn't he fine?
   My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
   Vengeance was mine!
   But I'm out of the biz
   The name I made, I'll trade for his
   The only trouble is 
   I'll never tell.

XANDER:
   She is the one
   She's such wonderful fun
   Such passion and grace.

XANDER:
   Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight- 
   Embrace! Tight embrace! 
   I'll never let her go 
   The love we've known can only grow
   There's just one thing that - no.
   I'll never tell.
BOTH:
   'Cause there's nothing to tell.

ANYA:
   He snores.
XANDER:
   She wheezes.
ANYA:
   Say 'housework' and he freezes.
XANDER: 
   She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe

ANYA:
   I talk, he breezes.
XANDER:
   She doesn't know what pleases.
ANYA:
   His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!
BOTH:
   The vibe gets kind of scary
XANDER:
   Like she thinks I'm ordinary
ANYA:
   Like it's all just temporary
XANDER:
   Like her toes are kind of hairy
BOTH: 
   But it's all very well
   'Cause god knows, I'll never tell!

ANYA:
   When things get rough, he
   Just hides behind his Buffy! 
   Now look, he's getting huffy
   'Cause he knows that I know.
XANDER
   She clings
   She's needy
   She's also really greedy
   She nev-
ANYA:
   His eyes are beady!
XANDER:
   This is my verse, hello!
   She-

ANYA: Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

BOTH:
   I lied
   I said it's easy
   I've tried
   But there's these fears I've can't quell

XANDER:
   Is she looking for a pot of gold?
ANYA:
   Will I look good when I've gotten old? [stands up]
XANDER:
   Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?
ANYA:
   When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

XANDER:
   Am I crazy?
ANYA:
   Am I dreamin'?
XANDER:
   Am I marrying a demon?
BOTH:
   We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!
   So, thank god, I'll never tell!
   I swear that I'll never tell!

XANDER:
   My lips are sealed
ANYA:
   I take the Fifth
XANDER:
   Nothing to see
   Move it along
BOTH:
   I'll never
   Tell!